Bottled Oceans With A Hint Of Love
by mysecretnirvana
Summary: Ryan, a young up-coming fashion designer works at a gay strip club silently hoping that the new love of his life will whisk him away from all the bad. But an un-nerving past stops the light from truly reaching his heart.
1. Chapter 1

Bottled Oceans with a Hint Of Love

A full moon loomed high over a lonely beach, with waves crashing upon its silvery sand. A silhouette figure walked along the beach, basking in its peacefulness, contempt with only his thoughts as company. His feet made a soft crunching noise on the sand as he walked aimlessly. The only light came from the scattered stars and white moon, dimly lighting pieces of debris for him to step over.

Hours had passed and the moon was at its peak in the midnight black sky. A black shadow formed as I walked around a sand dune that sheltered a hidden area of the beach. The shadow moved slightly and lay down on the cold sand, staying perfectly still. A cloud moved across the moon, casting a veil of darkness across the beach and grasslands behind it. When the cloud had passed the figure that had been lying down was now moving at a slow pace, their body now in view and in a relaxed posture, arms dangling at their side. I started walking towards the mysterious person, looking them over, letting a slight smile play to my lips. As I neared the graceful character I slightly quickened my pace, curiosity leading me forward. I reached the other body and stood at an arms length. " Hey, beautiful night isn't it?" I asked. The other person was a guy, who was a bit taller, with a slender body. In the dim light I could make out that his skin was tanned, and flawless. His hair was a white blond that came down over one of his deep, light blue eyes that reflected the light of the stars when the looked into them. I blushed as I suddenly realised I was staring intently at him, caught up in my own thoughts. I brushed my deep black hair away from eyes, but it just fell back, covering the olive green. In annoyance I just let it fall over my left eye, then smiling back at my acquaintance as he replied, " Yeah, I love it when the full moon is out, it makes the beach even more, electrifying," he ignored me staring at him to my relief. "My name's Brendon" He said as he took my hand and shook it. "I'm Ryan" I said, while gently shaking his, firm, yet soft hand. We walked for awhile, casually talking about how the weather has been good and other small matters. We sat down on some soft, dry sand and gazed out over the sea, sitting quietly in each others presence. We talked for hours on end, noticing how much we had in common, but eventually the black horizon lightened into a stale grey. I yawned loudly and said, "I should really be getting home now before I collapse of exhaustion" I laughed softly and stood up and stretched. "Here's my phone number" Brendon said taking out a piece of scrap paper and writing numbers on it. He handed me it and I studied his scrawled writing. After he handed me the paper he turned around and walked away whilst shouting "Hope you use it!" he waved goodbye backwards and left me standing there, silently grimacing at his style. I clutched the paper tightly for a moment before placing it in my pocket and walking back down the beach which was now turning a light yellow and pink in the sunrise.

Light streamed in through tiny slits in the blinds. I slowly opened one eye to check the time. It was still only early morning. A faint buzzing sound disturbed me from my peacefulness and I moaned, desperate for a few more minutes of sleep. I dragged myself out from under the soft covers, towards my phone which was buzzing near the opposite side of the room. The walls of my room were painted white and had posters covering the surface. An untidy desk sat next to a wardrobe bursting full of clothes. I slowly made my way to my phone, picking it up with effort. My senses sharpened when I saw I had a message from Brendon. A small smile erupted across my lips and I crossed back to my bed and lay down. "Hey Ryan, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up today or something?" I grinned as I typed in a reply saying "Yeah, meet me in the park at the north entrance at 12:00" and clicked send. I lay there for awhile, watching the room get brighter as the morning passed by. I eventually got up after the weariness of waking up had wearied off. I groggily dragged myself into the bathroom and took a quick shower. After I had chosen something to wear among the carnage of clothes in my wardrobe, I tried to read for awhile, but my concentration resulted in turning into day dreaming about those beautiful, deep blue eyes Brendon had. Silence filled the room, the quiet ticking of the clock reverberating about me.

I drove my car into a parking space just outside the north entrance of the park, scanning the area for any signs of Brendon, seeing him sitting on an antique bench resting on the side of the nearby lake. Leaves danced around him, falling from overhead, detaching themselves from a ancient oak. As I walked closer to him a veil of nervousness enveloped me, slowly seeping into my bones. He turned, brushing a leave off his jacket, to look directly at me, grinning widely, his eyes flashing in the Autumn sun. I sat down on the cold wooden bench, sighing at the comfort it still brought despite the coldness." Hey, gorgeous day" He said, looking around. I nodded in reply, staring at the scenery that surrounded me. Flowers off cherry blossoms were falling rapidly to the ground, whilst towering pines swayed in the breeze. "Yeah, it really is. Dude, I'm starving, lets go get some lunch," I said, smiling lightly. We stood up in unison, talking about small matters. Every now and then our shoulders would brush together, sending a spark through my body. Time seemingly slowed down, allowing me to finally catch up with my thoughts and emotions. It was becoming clear that he was becoming a subject of my affection. A look of worry etched across my face, memories flooding into my eyes. The last time I had let down my walls, allowing someone to know me, I was hurt, left in my own, cold self pity, allowed to bleed out my feelings, while the one person I loved stared me down into a hole and walked away. "Earth to Ryan?" A distant voice brought me back to reality, alerting me that I was deep in thought. "Sorry, I was just thinking about some things there" I said chuckling, but seeing the suspicious eyebrow Brendon raised. "Okay… But as I was saying, I was thinking we could go get pizza or something?" he said. "Yeah, pizza sounds good" I said, looking away from Brendon's questioning glare to look out across the lake at the dense forest on the other side. We walked across the ark into the chaos of the city.

Ivy crawled up an arch, blocking off the view of cracked, cobbled stone and rotted wood. I ran, laughing under the arch, darting between the hanging ivy. Darkness grew around me as I went further under the arch, deeper into the foliage. A boy ran behind me calling my name with a soft, gentle voice. I called out his name, the sound of my voice reverberating under the vaulted roof. As I neared the end of the deep dark a light steadily grew, along with the sound of a faint stream. My eyes brightened rapidly, showing surprise and shock at the same time, influencing my action to move forward into the beautiful ring of life. But then, a sudden shadow whispered around me, sucking the energy and light from the life filled place. The leaves and grass started peeling away, burning into grey ashes. The shadow grew darker, until it was black, until it was my sadness. I lay on the ash filled ground, crying. I opened one eye to try to replace the death with the memory of life, but instead I saw a lone daisy. It was all alone, reaching towards a single ray of light. Hope is always least where you expect it.

I awoke sweating, gasping for breath. I felt the tears on my cheeks, I could taste their saltiness. My breathing steadied, and I got up and opened the blinds of my dim room. The sun blazed high in the sky, lighting up my room till it gleamed. I sighed heavily, my thoughts tracing the outline of my dream. I knew in my heart I should be over him, but my mind still can't get around the fact he broke me. But the past is the past, it was over, I was over. A day of comfort and crap day-time T.V should pick me up, I thought.

Shadows were long in the sweet, soft grass. The sun was setting on the horizon, casting colours of pink and orange through the clouds. I lay in peace, content with the flowers and small insects that were retiring for the day. Maybe it was the warmth, or the fact I was genially comfy in the grass, but I lapsed into a nap. A few hours had passed when I awoke to a waxing moon high above me. A very soft tingling feeling was growing in my leg. It grew deadly still and silent, hoping it would go away. "I swear to go, if I have a bloody disease growing on me", my mind raced with thoughts along these lines. "Ill just have one look, and hope for the best" I gently got up and looked at my dim lit leg." A bloody ant, really? A bloody ant is chewing away on me" I laughed and brushed the puny insect of me. I returned to my house to sleep away from biting critters.

Me and Brendon walked along the deserted beach, whispering to each other, afraid to disturb the silence that enveloped us. I was happy, I felt it in my heart, and I haven't felt that way for awhile. We had been getting on great the past few days, doing, guy stuff, ya know. Like, getting food, bowling, me staring at him, swimming, all completely cliché right? So maybe I do feel a bit more than friends towards him than I'm letting on." So, back to where we first met", Brendon said in a low, long voice. He suddenly broke out laughing, laughing at his own voice probably. "Yeah, It's even more beautiful than last time" I whispered. I turned round to look at Brendon, staring at him with longing. Fuck, what am I doing. Falling in love, oh god. He stepped closer, his eyes growing dark, lustful, distant. I leaned him towards him, feeling his breath on my voice. My hunger grew for him, I needed him right now. My heart slowed down, so did time. But breath deepened, so did his eyes. Let's kill tonight. Our lips met, ever so softly, but yet a shockwave of energy still rippled across my skin and swayed in my hair. Air was forced from my lungs as I exhaled ever so deeply. Oh my god, he is, he's amazing, a god right now. I was lost in our kiss, in my emotions, in my thoughts. This was a pure moment, my lips felt it, my heart knew it, my brain, couldn't process it it was so romantic. I pulled away reluctantly, gasping for oxygen. My eyes are full of want, I can feel them, I hope he sees this wants, I thought longingly. "Well, well…. That was fucking amazing" Brendon said grinning. "Well, just let me catch my breath", I sucked in the air heavily, "And I'll make it magical" I laughed and reached for his hand, gently stroking his soft skin with my thumb. He was Romantic, my saviour.

I sipped on my strawberry milkshake, listening to Brendon ramble on about his hobbies, his life, and his music. "Yeah, I play quite a few instruments, quite a lot actually, but I love the guitar, its my pride and joy really, I love all the arts really" he said, going on to talk about the music he writes. "So, anything else you exceed in amazingly?" I said sweetly, but teasing him at the same time," Yes actually, I'm bloody amazing at kissing, " We both laughed and I rolled my eyes after our fit.

"God, it's going in so fast, seriously," I sighed with an air of lightness, exasperating all the emotions that had been bottled up inside me lately to my sister." I mean, I met him last Friday, and I saw him yesterday so in one week and a day I have gotten to know him so much and even had a first kiss with him! God!" I laugh gleefully, relishing in these thoughts." You sound like a thirteen year old girl being captured by her first crush. Lets look over this carefully, he's musical, loves playing the guitar, is into acting and painting. And by what else you said he's deep minded and intellect. Fuck me, get in there Ryan, you've hit big time." She punched me on the shoulder grinning. I smiled back, but a thought struck me. Last time I had it big, I was hurt, big. "C'mon, Valentino have a new perfume out, I can't wait to try it." she said. We almost skipped about the shops, enjoying the little time we had together. I stared into the mirror she stood in front of, trying on a new scarf. She was tall, athletic, well built, almost completely different from me, though I'm quite tall. She has sharp grey eyes that mist over, and her tan skin was flawless. Just above her collar bone she has her name tattooed on: Sofia. "I can't believe you actually got that tattoo, mum and dad are furious," I laughed. "Good, I'm an adult now, my decision, and I like it, at least men can remember my name now." I moaned, eyeing her with half admiration, half jealously at her all so confident self. "You should try going outside the box Ryan, it really is fun" She looked at me with a note of serious. "As much as I love you, I don't tell you everything Sophia" I was blunt with her, knowing a fight might come out of this. "As much as I love you, you can be full of some bullshit. Your always hiding in your shell or someone else's arms." Her words were cruel, I could feel them make my skin crawl." Fashion is hard at the moment, I'm finding it hard to find work, that's why I took a step out of the box to work at a shitty strip bar Sophia, you try that for one night, okay?" I smiled ruefully as I saw her face drop." You win," she said. "To jobs that pay the bills" We hit our water bottles together in agreement.

Dull grey smoke filled a barely lit room. Teak floors and oak wall panelling had lost its colour from years of being abused. A long podium filled the centre of the room, its lights shining upwards creating a spotlight. I sat out of view behind a worn out bar. I was in deep concentration, working out expenses and incomes on a dull grey notepad. A near handsome man stood near me, pouring beers and shots to lonely and disgusting costumers. He wore respectable clothes, trying to make the place he worked in something as far from what it actually is." Here, Spencer, would you mind taking this up to Jon? And tell him to check the back page, there are a few notes on how to reduce some expenses." I groaned and rubbed my eyes. God, I'm tired. Working through the night and designing clothes and seeing Brendon during the day, I need to sort my priorities out. "Sure Ryan," he smiled and walked around the bar and up rotting stairs. I walked up to the dirty mirror behind the bar and wiped it clean with my hoodie sleeve. I poured my self a glass or vodka, staring at the clear liquid. I looked into the mirror and toasted myself. "Congratulations on your new job slut" I downed the glass and walked onto the podium and danced in my own pity and sweat all night long.

"Brendon, you know I'm not into these sorts of movies, c'mon, cant we not see something else?" We were standing in line at a crowed cinema, talking to each other." It'll be alright, it's not real. If you do get scared you can always put your head on me, and cower in fear," he teased. Brendon wanted to see some new scary movie, and I'm not good with scary things. I'm more into romance and comedy. Why couldn't we just stay home and watch titanic? God he can be so assertive. I sighed wearily, giving Brendon one last pleading look. "Look, next time we will see whatever you want, I'll protect you, I promise," he smiled at me and his eyes were genuine and I melted away before him and sunk closer into his arm. We were really blooming, he was the prince of my dreams, my knight in shining armour. A sharp dull pain suddenly started in my side and I was knocked forward to onto the floor. "Oh, I'm so sorry faggot" A snickering voice sounded loud and clear in my ears and I looked upwards to see a gang of bald, men around twenty years old all wearing tracksuits. I stuck the finger up at them and so there smiles falter, turning into anger. "You better watch your, erm…" The guy who knocked me to the ground went silent, trying to think of the word or phrase he was looking for. "Body language! That's it, yeah, cause you don't wanna get on the wrong side of big daddy here," He licked his lips and gave me a death glare. I stood up, whipping the dust of my shirts. "Big daddy? Is that to match the size of your air filled hand? And if you dare touch me, I'd like to see you in court bitch" I grabbed Brendon's hand and walked away up to the counter, slightly shaking at my encounter with the waste product of a hundred years of bad breeding. "Fierce, I like that" Brendon winked at me, but gave me hand a soft squeeze. I laughed and hugged him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Brendon, you know I'm not into these sorts of movies, c'mon, cant we not see something else?" We were standing in line at a crowed cinema, talking to each other." It'll be alright, it's not real. If you do get scared you can always put your head on me, and cower in fear," he teased. Brendon wanted to see some new scary movie, and I'm not good with scary things. I'm more into romance and comedy. Why couldn't we just stay home and watch titanic? God he can be so assertive. I sighed wearily, giving Brendon one last pleading look. "Look, next time we will see whatever you want, I'll protect you, I promise," he smiled at me and his eyes were genuine and I melted away before him and sunk closer into his arm. We were really blooming, he was the prince of my dreams, my knight in shining armour. A sharp dull pain suddenly started in my side and I was knocked forward to onto the floor. "Oh, I'm so sorry faggot" A snickering voice sounded loud and clear in my ears and I looked upwards to see a gang of bald, men around twenty years old all wearing tracksuits. I stuck the finger up at them and so there smiles falter, turning into anger. "You better watch your, erm…" The guy who knocked me to the ground went silent, trying to think of the word or phrase he was looking for. "Body language! That's it, yeah, cause you don't wanna get on the wrong side of big daddy here," He licked his lips and gave me a death glare. I stood up, whipping the dust of my shirts. "Big daddy? Is that to match the size of your air filled hand? And if you dare touch me, I'd like to see you in court bitch" I grabbed Brendon's hand and walked away up to the counter, slightly shaking at my encounter with the waste product of a hundred years of bad breeding. "Fierce, I like that" Brendon winked at me, but gave me hand a soft squeeze. I laughed and hugged him. "Sooooo, I was thinking after this we could go out to one of my favourite places on this planet," He was smiling, but I could see a note of seriousness behind the twinkle in his eyes.

"Brendon, I am being serious here, take this blindfold of me now, or else I will spaz out and hope I hit you" I tried sounded angry but I just couldn't, I don't do angry." Look, I can hear the glee in your voice, and you are so cute when your trying to be angry, makes me just want to kiss you. " I could hear the grin in his voice and I tried to suppress my own smile but failed pitifully." Hang on a second, we are almost there." I could hear waves crashing down on rocks beneath me. I could hear birds cry in the setting sun( the sun was starting to go down when me and Brendon left the movies It was a terrible movie as well, bad acting), casting their shadows on imaginary ground in my mind's eye. A breeze whisked past me, whispering sweet words in my ear and bring sweet scents to my nose. A creaking snapped the perfect string that the wind had wrapped around my head, then more distant voices of trees moving and swaying in the breeze enveloped my thoughts. This place is perfect, this place is his haven, maybe, just maybe I could show him my sanctuary for my depression. " Right, close your eyes," his voice was soft, I could feel his lips barely reaching my ear. I tilted my neck backwards onto his neck, clasping my hand together with his, gently rubbing his cheek with my other hand." I'm ready," I didn't say this in a scared way, I said it in a way to reassure him I was his, I could be trusted with this. He took of the blindfold and the first thing I saw was the sea. Blue that didn't end, didn't even end in the sky, just continued on upwards with no clouds disturbing the tranquil surface." Wow, it's, just beautiful. Wow," I couldn't find the words to explain the beauty and my, appreciation." You would never guess this place was here, huh?" Said Brendon. I just held his hand, staring at the falling sun, and then into his eyes that held clusters of stars within. I was enchanted, mystified, fearful, everything love feels like. It had all gone in so fast, we had only met and I had fallen in love with those starry eyes. "Brendon, I love you," I stared at him, watching his expression. "I love you too." I looked through his chest into his heart. I read his heart's thoughts. It was unreadable. This scared me.

"Wait, hold on, your telling me that your mum was a nomad basically, who was a witch, who taught you how to read peoples thoughts and hearts? Among reading your tarot?" Spencer eyed me with genuine interest, but I could taste the uncertainty in his voice. "Yeah, that's it. I can't read peoples thoughts like a telepathic, but I can what their thoughts are lingering on, I can guess from their body posture and that sort of stuff." I smiled at him sweetly and started taking orders from a new flock of customers. After the lingering eyes and spilt liquids had been forgotten I turned back to Spencer, leaning on the counter. "I've noticed something about you though, and it's because I work here, at a bloody strip club." We laughed at the seemingly funny words that I had spoke but to anyone else's ears it was no laughing matter. "You have got your eye on a big(wink) birde who goes by the name of Jon Walker, and may I remind you he is our boss. That desk I his room looks pretty sturdy doesn't it? A little bit of rough treatment would do it no harm." When I said this I saw his eyes glaze over and his thoughts become distant. I saw them. I saw Spencer lying down on the varnished oak surface, watching Jon as he slowly advanced up his smooth skin, leaving a trail of fluttering kisses. He saw his hand dancing back downwards from his face towards his chest, then stomach then towards ecstasy. Spencer quickly shook his head. All those had happened in a second and I had saw one of his deepest yearnings. "You little as bitch," He said, smiling playfully. I replied with a note of seriousness, "Play it slow, he's like a thief, you know they are there, but you don't know where they are."

I lay on my bed reading, and watching Brendon paint my walls on the other side of my room. He was painting a forest for me, with oaks and firs, streams and rustling leaves. He had finished a perfect sun, gleaming among the trees and casting shadows on the plants below. "Ryan, come over here a second and tell me what you think of this." I raised my eyebrow over my book at him. I set it down and walked over. He moved aside to reveal the middle of a silver Birch which he had been working on for a long time. There was a heart carved, or rather painted, on the bark. There was an arrow through it and above the arrow was Brendon's name and below was mine. I looked at him. That was all I could do. Eventually he took my hand and led me to my bed, picked me up and lay me down on it. His face got close to mine. At first I just thought his eyes were light blue, but now they were aqua, they were the colour of life. And then, he kissed me. His soft lips lightly brushed against mine, then pressed harder. I tasted basil and mint, liquorice and toothpaste. I sighed into the gas, exhaling through my nose. I was losing oxygen fast, but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around his muscular back, memorizing everything. I was in a romance novel, in a dream, in wonderland. It was like having my first kiss with him all over again. He pulled back gasping for breath. The sweet tastes quickly fled from my mouth and moaned after them. He grinned ruefully and straddled my lip. He placed one hand on my chest and pushed my down, gently and forcefully. I looked my fingers with his and brought my leftover hand to his cheek and stroked his flustered skin. "Am I dreaming, have I fallen down a rabbit hole and hit my head?" I looked longingly at him for an answer. "No, we are better than a dream. Now shut up and lend me your lips."


End file.
